By Josh Barker
Richwood High School

Taurus (April 20-May 20): During the lunar moon in the fifth dimension you, will see the future. In the future, people actually do wear those silver-Spandex jumpsuits that were so popular in the classic show “Lost in Space.”

Gemini (May 21-June 20): Liar, liar, pants on fire. You’d better check your britches.

Cancer (June 21-July 22): In the coming weeks, you will be alarmed when you find your first gray hair — in your spaghetti.

Leo (July 23-Aug. 22): Impress your friends by hosting a dinner party. Sculpt a fountain out of blue cheese and fix it so that punch pours out of the swan’s beak.

Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Walk with confidence this month and remember: You’re smart, sexy and really, really good at Yahtzee.

Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): It’s OK to whistle while you work, but your classmates will
draw the line at yodeling while you work. However, they’re probably just jealous.

Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 22): You are getting used to stepping on people on your way to the top. Beware — this month will be especially slippery!

Sagittarius (Nov. 23-Dec. 21): Make school fun by creating a mosaic of your English teacher’s face on the ceiling with old, cut-up homework.

Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Don’t let others discourage your plans, especially if those plans involve dry-roasted peanuts.

Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Don’t be concerned when you find Bob Vila readjusting the flow pattern of your toilet bowl on the 27th.

Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20): You just won’t feel complete this month until you color-coordinate everything you own.

Aries (March 21-April 19): This month, the urge hits you to clean out your closet. Give in — you can’t resist it. You’ll find a pair of shoes you forgot about, but in a bizarre turn of events, they will be four sizes too big.